Did I jinx it?

Like washing your car to ensure a good rain, a public exclamation of: “I’m not manic, I am just really switched on”, is an absolute guarantee that you will be disillusioned and exhausted within the week.

Coming down feels quite like sobering up. I may have been a bit delused (my word. Feel free to toss it around). The inflated sense of self is embarrassing.  Am I self deprecating and masking it as reality, because I am dipping below the depression line? Or am I having a period of “normality” and wising up to my mania induced egocentricity?

Most likely I am thinking way too much, and my need for attention is distracting and obnoxious. I feel the need to climb onto someone’s lap and pout. No someone in particular, a mom maybe, or a version of Jimmy Stewart. I miss my daughter, even though I just spoke with her and will see her in less than a week. I miss my Seattle friends and even the Spokane ones I just saw. I miss the river and being able to stay awake.

I miss my mania, even if it’s not reality.


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